Post by caronz on Jun 26, 2008 13:03:32 GMT 12
Things to Live by
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. An excellent approach to housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques. aint that the truth!
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
14. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
15. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
16. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
17. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
18. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
19. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
20. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
21. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
22. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.
23. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved it's full potential, that word would be "meetings."
24.There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
26. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
27. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
28. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
29. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.
30.Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. An excellent approach to housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques. aint that the truth!
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
14. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
15. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
16. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
17. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
18. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
19. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
20. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
21. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
22. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.
23. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved it's full potential, that word would be "meetings."
24.There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
26. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
27. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
28. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
29. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.
30.Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
