Tikva's Nuclear Plant

[tikva]

This thread is for any possible future 'meltdowns' I might have



Alternative Name: Tikva's Psych Ward.

[Roderick]

We will try and see if we can't help you Tikva...We are a pretty experienced group of life experienced people with our feet on the ground and some commonsense advice...and older and wiser heads...also , we prefer to help you up , rather than put anyone down...I hope you find Us more helpful and supportive than most other sites...We are a relaxing nice home on the to call home...

[Queen Cherry]

oy speak for yerself - not much 'old' or 'wise' about the Queen!

[Roderick]

"Holy Cow"...luv ya Queenie

[tikva]

Roderick, you've got no idea how much that means to me. Many thanks to you, and other Members here.



I do hope this thread isn't needed too often though, which I don't think it will be (not just fingers are crossed here!). Be prepared for around about the 21st of November though ~ my 17 yr old son gets sentenced to Prison then, and the responsibility and guilt I feel for where he is right now can be hard to carry at times.

[Roadhog]

Just remember, as much as you love him, you dont have control (remote or otherwise) of any of his ideas and actions- not even if you wanted to. Anything he's been arrested for is a mistake that he has made, and is therefore an oportunity for him to learn from.

[Roderick]

Just hope that they don't give him home detention...Then it does really hurt YOU ...we mean well hun...but also some humour can lighten the load...For a 17yo to get prison certainly goes against what many of us believe is normal light sentences dished out...we will stand-by and see...any court type involvement is not usually good...let's just cross our fingers and hope for the best.....

[tikva]

Thanks for the support, Roadhog. I will pre-warn anyone who is reading this, as I need to melt a little. So, don't read on if that aint your thing, ok?









Whilst I know that it was my Son who chose to commit the very serious crimes that he did, I also know that he didn't make those choices from a healthy mind. This Son almost died by his own hand on January 1st this year, and if it wasn't for a runner and his dog (especially the dog), he would be dead. I call it suicide interrupted, as it wasn't just an attempt ~ he drank alcohol, took heaps of pills, and then tried to hang himself. The rope broke, thank God, but it was hours before he was found by the dog. I will never forget going into the Emergency Department, and seeing my Son lying there, so cold. It was almost like going back to when I was 16 and found my baby son dead (Cot Death).

Moving on (cos I hate that place), my Son seemed to get himself together somewhat after that, and was doing the Services Academy, which is run by a school here for Students who are considering joining the Armed Forces. They do just the basic subjects required for NCEA to get into the Army, and the rest of the time is spent doing military type training. He was really enjoying it, even though it was hard going, and even spent 2 weeks at Burnham. He is an intelligent (albeit somewhat stupid) young man, and had his future planned, which involved joining the Army and getting paid to train in a specific area.

But, now that is all gone. And I have to accept my responsibility in it. You see, I didn't protect my Son like a mother should. His father abused him throughout his life, more so mentally and emotionally than physically, although there was physical abuse as well. For his 11th birthday he was given a punch in the head and kicked while he lay on the floor by his 'father'. Even though I kicked his father out the same day, I was the idiot who let him come back into the home. I made extremely bad decisions, and because of that, my Son has suffered greatly. There is ZERO doubt in my mind that my Son would not be where he is now if I had protected him properly, and not stayed with his father. If it was within my power, I would ask that the Judge pronounce sentence upon ME, not my Son. I would serve his prison sentence for him if I could.

And yes, there is no avoiding Prison for him ~ the crimes are too serious for Home Detention, so it's just a matter of how long he is sentenced for. I can only hope that he is able to get the long term Psychotherapy that he needs while he is in there, as where he has been (Youth Justice South - run by CYFS) since he was arrested, he has not received any professional help. Yet I believe that he needs that more than anything.

He is continuing his education, and even since being arrested he has gained his NCEA Level One, and was excited when I spoke to him on the phone the other day, as he had finally received the stuff he had been waiting on from the Correspondence School. At the moment, he is determined to use this time to continue his education, but is struggling with the environment that he is in, particularly the criminal element. This is only going to get worse when he is sent to the Youth Prison.

God, I hate this! I just want to gather him up in my arms, and protect him from what is coming. But I can't ~ it is out of my hands.

[Roadhog]

20/20 hindsight is a great thing. The problem is that we cannot see into the future, at least not as well as we'd like. Its the reason we make mistakes. With forsight things would be different, and neither you (nor anyone else has it)

[tikva]

WARNING - Meltdown Coming!!!!







Okay, I've tried, I really have, but there are people at SC that just really get to me. A couple of weeks ago I was pretty much accused of being a liar, and that in my marriage I was the abuser, and not the abused, although the SC Member who posted that particular message deleted it after she knew I had read it. So, after 16 years of being on the receiving end of my Ex's lies and manipulation, I now know that he still damning doing it! And I am furious!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is so damn hard when you know you are telling the truth, but are repeatedly accused of lying. I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused by my Ex, as was my eldest Son, and to know that there are people that don't believe that these things happened really gets to me. Yeah, I know that they're only 'internet' people, but things like that get around, and no doubt there are other SC Members who believe I am a liar because of what has been said by others. I have been abused by my Ex's Mother and Step Brother, purely because of the lies that my Ex has told them. I am damning damn well sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't care how long it takes me, or what I have to do to prove it, but I am going to, FOR ONCE, defend my integrity. I am in the process of gathering what little documentation there is of the physical abuse, and am going to the Police to have my Ex charged for two incidents of male assaults female, and one of male assaults child. Until this all happened over at SC, it was an idea I was only toying with, knowing that I probably wouldn't go through with it, but now, I am 100% determined. Maybe then, the truth will come out.

Still bloody furious though!

[Roadhog]

You go, girl!

[ancient1]

And so you should.
We will be here if you need us

[tikva]

Many thanks for that!!! Believe me, I often need a safe place to come to, where I will not be judged or put down. You see, what I haven't really told people is that I have minor Agoraphobia, and find it very hard to go out at all, let alone go out and meet people. After being with my Ex for 16 years, during which time friendships were actively discouraged, I have been left in the position of not having 'real life' friends. I do have one though, a guy who has been an amazing support person to me, and whom I love. I guess you could say he is my boyfriend, although I don't like to box our relationship in like that. I know more than anyone that I am not ready for a committed relationship, as there are still a lot of damage from my marriage that needs to be undone (trust, etc.), but Ian would be the closest I can have to one right now.

And thank God for that!!!!

So, for me, the internet is where I meet up with other's, create new friends, etc. Sometimes I get stronger and the agoraphobia isn't so pronounced, but other times, like lately, it is. Fortunately I have managed to keep going to work this time around!!!

[Mamalicious]

~runs in, lays a few 's and runs out again~

[Roderick]

Reinforces all the good wishes and friendly shoulders on offer...even if we only listen , and offer a few opinions and suggestions , I'm sure that we are pretty sure that we understand the struggles and the mind torments involved... :(some of us have experience with some of the things you are unloading , so sympathetic murmurs,and understanding will surround you,and keep you strong honey..